How to piss me off at lunch

I made my daily trip to the alter of the golden arches, hoping to be blessed by Saint Ronald and, as always, there was a line to wait in. I know the employees at my super-secret Pentagon McDonalds because of my love of food which could be classified as weapons of mass destruction and I have only gotten smiles from them.

But not everybody feels as good about them as I do. A lady behind me in line today ordered a salad of some kind.

First: if you're going to McDonalds, quit fooling yourself by getting a salad and telling people how "healthy" you are. Scientists have proven that the "bad food germs" from Big Macs and McNuggetts will actually jump over to the "healthy" menu at McDonalds, thereby making a salad into a heart-attack time-bomb just waiting to happen.

Second: Do NOT look at me like I am a Philistine when I order my hamburgers and fries, asking for all of the saturated fat they can throw on the food. I know what my cholesterol numbers are and it's none of your business!

Third: Don't piss off my McDonalds staff.

When Ms. Healthy's plastic bad-for-the-environment bag of salad was given to her, she opened it and with a scowl on her face, informed the employee that there was only one package of salad dressing in the bag and she needed two more. (So much for that salad remaining healthy) The employee, following years of training and wanting to keep her job, told the woman politely that extra packages of dressing are 27 cents each.

Lets think about this logically for a moment. My McDonalds has not raised its prices as everybody else has during the gas hike. As a matter of fact, you can still get a large Sweet Tea for only $1! So if they want to charge 27 cents for people who want extra dressing, I can live with that. It's called free market, supply and demand.

And what was the reply from Ms. Healthy? A stunned look, a scowl, and a huffing walk away. As she walked past me, she actually said "That bitch wants to charge me 27 cents?! Who does she think she is?!"

I'll tell you who she is: she is a woman trying to make a living serving idiots like you! She is told by her supervisor that extra packages of dressing cost 27 cents and nobody gets freebies... period. This woman needs her job and wants to keep it. Is she going to sacrifice it for you and your high-and-mighty want of extra dressing? No! If you never go back to that McDonalds, they will survive. She needs the paycheck and she will still be working there.

I know how much most of the people in this building who wear dress clothes to work make, especially the high-and-mighty, world-revolves-around-me types. Either fork out the extra 27 cents for a damn package of dressing or shut the hell up! You know she bitches about that cost but will then go out for drinks at the most expensive bar in Old Town Alexandria in order to meet the right people. Botox isn't that expensive, is it?

Maybe if she saves the money on the extra dressing, she will be able to afford that tummy tuck later on when she discovers that all that extra dressing blows the "healthy salad" myth out of the water. Or maybe she'll just be alone...