Life Changes Forever

"Every time I get an x-ray of you back, I get more worried."

This is the first thing that my Urologist, Dr. Moore, said to me when he walked into the exam room I was waiting in.

Just two weeks earlier, I had gone to my general practitioner, Dr. Pinetta, because of abdominal pain and blood in the stool. I had no idea what to expect except that I was getting older day by day. I believed that I would be told that I needed to change my diet now that I was well over 40 years old.

But Dr. Pinetta found something I wasn't expecting at all.

"I think I can feel the edge of your liver," Dr. Pinetta calmly said as he pushed on my mid-section.

Maybe it's just me being a bit over-sensitive, but having a doctor say that he can feel the edge of my liver like it's not an everyday event scared me just a bit.

Of course, then he gave me the infamous "over-40 finger test". (If you don't know what I'm talking about, just ask your father... or grandfather... and watch him shiver)

I was referred to a Gastroenteroligist (gut-doctor, as I call him) named Dr. Matthew Harrison who felt around my stomach, explaining what he was doing the entire time to my worried-looking wife. He was nice enough that he didn't even look askance at me when he referred me further to a Urologist... or when he told me that I had to have an ultrasound and a (gasp!) colonoscopy. (Again, shivers down the spine)

Then it was on to the ultrasound. Little word of advice; if you are male, don't ask the ultrasound tech to tell you what the sex of your baby is when they put the ultrasound goop on your stomach. No sense of humor there.

When I met Dr. Moore for the first time, he struck me as a no-nonsense doctor. I like that even if the wife doesn't. I like a doctor who doesn't do small talk. At least, he didn't do any small talk until he, too, decided to give me the over-40 finger test. That's right, guys, twice in one week! (Double shiver!)

It was also at this time that I learned that I had what was being called a cyst on my right kidney. Scary to hear but completely treatable, especially if you had been eating and drinking like I had for my entire life. McDonald's was not just a treat, it was a way of life, and I think I drank more water accidentally going to the pool than I did the rest of the year.

To put it bluntly, my diet sucked and always has.

Now we come to the colonoscopy. Gentlemen, I must admit that this procedure is something that needs to be done every once in a while and the procedure itself is a breeze! You're asleep. However, the two days leading up to it...

My procedure was scheduled for Tuesday at 11 a.m. No problem, I told myself. Unfortunately, the fine print of this contract states that you have to stop eating before breakfast the day before!

Now I don't eat big meals, I eat small portions every twenty minutes if I can help it. I have fasted before. Mostly from the midnight before to blood test time in the morning. I couldn't eat for over 36 hours!

But that's not all... you are also told to drink a fun little concoction that is designed to clean you out. That's right, the only thing you can have besides water is something that will guarantee you become one with the toilet for about 16 hours.

By the time I got to the appointment, I had a headache that was so bad, the doctor and wonderful nurses gave me Demoral in order to stop it. Have I told you that I love Demoral yet? I do. I don't remember Tuesday.

As a cautionary note, following a colonoscopy, the nurses will not let you leave until you have proven to them that you can expel all of the air which was pumped into your colon during the procedure. That's right, you have to pass gas in front of them. This proved impossible for me. I'm no prude, but I just can't fart in front of people. Never have been able to. Even when I'm doped to the gills.

After allowing me to go into the bathroom by myself, I apparently passed the test and was allowed to go home. But not before I found out that I have Diverticulosis throughout my colon and have to change my diet completely. More fiber, more water, no popcorn, no peanuts... good lord, I had died and gone to hell.

But my next visit to Dr. Moore was the one that would really change my life.

After ordering me to get a CT Scan of my abdomen, I returned to my Urologist. He informed me, in no uncertain terms, that what they thought was a simple cyst is, in fact, cancer.

Right in the middle of my right kidney there sits a six to seven centimeter growth. It's large enough to make my right kidney twice the size of my left and what we thought was the edge of my liver was, in fact, my kidney.

Dr. Moore showed me my CT Scan on the computer and mapped out what it looked like on the anatomically correct kidney wall chart, but I wasn't hearing much of what he said. All I could think was "I have cancer?! What do you mean I have cancer?! That's not right!"

I was told that someday soon, yet another doctor will have to go in and remove my offending kidney. He told me that he thinks we got it early and nothing else will be wrong, but we have to wait until they go in to find out.

I thanked him, made my follow-up appointment with my surgeon, and went to my car. I sat for 20 minutes doing nothing but staring at the steering wheel. No matter how you prepare yourself for bad news, you're never ready. Then I went home to tell the wife.

Now life has changed in some very important ways. I wait for the day when I lose a kidney but hopefully gain the knowledge that I'm clean otherwise. I still feel the lump in my abdomen but it is strange to know what it's part of.

I do drink a lot more water and I've only been to McDonald's once since I got the news. I'm sure McDonald's stock has plummeted due to my boycott. The wife says I have more energy because of my new diet, which I probably do, but it's all because I knew a long time ago that 40 would bring a change.

Now I just have to wait to find out how much of a change it is.