Life in a Nutshell Part 1

This was originally going to be a book when I started writing long, long ago. Maybe it still will be someday. For now, I am going to put entries here on the blog just because I want to.

On November 25, 1985, I left my home in Rockville, Indiana, to go to Air Force Basic Training at Lackland Air Force Base, Texas.

I haven't stopped since then. Three Air Force bases (Lackland; Andrews Air Force Base, Maryland; and Sembach Air Base, West Germany when there still was a WEST Germany), a couple of colleges (Indiana State University, where I would meet my future wife in 1989, included), several towns and cities (Rockville, Terre Haute, Indianapolis and Logansport, Indiana; Bryan, Ohio; Longwood, Florida and Arlington, Virginia… among others), several girlfriends (who will remain anonymous to protect them from scorn), one ex-wife (Noelle), one current and final wife (Angela), and an Army career later, I can finally look back at what I have written and smile.

Why did I pick this particular time to put my memories together in one place? That's the simple part -- I now have a computer at home.

Okay, so maybe it's not that simple. This may take some explaining, so you had better sit down someplace comfortable and relax while we go back in time a bit. No, that's all right, go get yourself something to drink, we'll just sit here and wait…don't worry about us... we'll put our lives on hold while your thirst is quenched. I understand.

*While they're gone, let me tell you about the time I caught them all in the Jacuzzi at the Motel 6 in Gas City, Indiana, with one of the waitresses from the bar, a can of Cheez-Whiz and 12 mallard ducks! It involved...

Oh, hi! Back so soon? All right then, on we go.

I suppose that being a smart-aleck comes easily to most people, but most people are also taught how to control that part of their personality. To this day, I don't know why, but my Father never attempted to stifle that part of me. Maybe he just liked watching me get into trouble day after day -- my Father could be more of a sadist than I give him credit for. Or maybe he just figured in 1985 that the military would drill that part of my personality away.

Fat chance.

As a matter of fact, it was because of my time in the military that I became interested in writing. While I was stationed at Andrews Air Force Base, I discovered books by the now-late Lewis Grizzard. I felt as if I had found a gold mine! I also found other people named Dave, Mark and Narda (actual name, I swear) who were just as sarcastic as I was. Had I landed on another planet where people were more like me? No, I had just gotten out of my little town and started discovering the world.

Once I was transferred to Sembach Air Base, the floodgates opened. I had nothing else to do on a daily basis but to drink during my time off, sit at the typewriter in the office of a friend, and write articles when I was supposed to be working. Therefore, I became an alcoholic writer who didn't get a lot of work done.

In each of the following entries, I will take you through the progression of my life as an Air Force enlistee, a student at Indiana State University, a bad actor, a comic book writer, an Army sergeant, a civil servant and as a human being who is still finding his way around this great big ball called Earth -- Mars was already taken. You will find introductory paragraphs in italics and preceded by a star (*). These are comments which I have made looking back now about what I had written as well as, in most cases, when the date they were written. Sometimes, things need to be explained and expanded on, but most of the time, I just want to get in my two cents worth.

So read on. Put some Jimmy Buffett on the CD Player, get another Diet Coke, and put up your feet as I tell you about my life... in a nutshell.

Go to PART 2 here.